I'm going to complain less this year. I just know it. And no whining, either. Or very little.
I should maybe start a complain jar. Even if I don't, I'm serious about this. Our words and thoughts are so powerful and we often use them so recklessly. There are four things in particular, for me, that I throw around a lot. Four simple statements that I usually say half-heartedly when I'm avoiding something.
Now we're getting somewhere. You see, avoidance is an issue for me. As I touched on here, I tend to focus on what I want, when I want and deal with the consequences of it later. This is really embedded deep in my psyche, so I've always told myself that I can't do anything about it.
But I can try. And here's the low hanging fruit - I can start by just working on the things that I say.
"I don't feel like it." I just don't trust myself when I say this. Deep down, I know that this is the rebel yell of the procrastinator that leaves deep down within me. Eventually, whatever I don't feel like doing will get done. But at what cost? Usually this statement lands me in situations where I'm running late, or I'm unprepared in some way, or I'm feeling guilty for not doing something that I was supposed to do. I think it will help for me to think of those yucky feelings when I hear myself saying these words. This is a tough one for me, so it's going to take some real determination to break this habit.
"I'm so busy." Busybodies are annoying. There's no prize for constantly throwing yourself around, huffing and puffing, talking about how busy you are. Everyone is busy, so join the club and have a seat. When I find myself wanting to complain about how busy I am, I'm going to stop myself and just breathe. It's like when my daughter has a booboo and she keeps saying, "But Mommy, it hurts, it hurts." I understand that it hurts but reiterating it over and over and moaning and groaning is only going to make it worse. Instead, think calmly and take a step back from yourself so you can make good decisions in the midst of the chaos.
"I tried." Really? Did I try? Because usually when I say this, it means that I put forth little to no effort. Plus, remember what Yoda said, "No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." When I really want to make something happen, I do it. I don't give up. I find different ways until something works. So for me to say, "I tried" is the same as me saying, "I didn't want to do it so I made no effort whatsoever." It really is much easier to just say that I tried, but after writing about this, it'll probably never feel right coming out of my mouth ever again.
"I can't help it." The hell I can't. I really shouldn't sell myself short this way. My kids' grandmother never allowed her children to say "I can't" about anything. I love that about her. She would always tell them to either reframe it and find a way or simply state that "You won't". Now that's how to be real about something.
Either you will or won't, you do or don't. When we're wishy washy, we send mixed messages to ourselves, to the Universe, to God - and we end up kind of in between, hanging out with our excuses, feeling unsatisfied with ourselves.
Do you see yourself in this post? I'd love for you to share with me in the comments.
I will not be as those who spend the day in complaining of headache, and the night in drinking the wine that gives it. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe