This is supposed to be my once a week unedited post to help me stretch and keep my writing & sharing juices ebbing and flowing. Shamelessly, of course. My last one was a month ago, so maybe I'll change the timing. Or maybe I'll never do another one ever. With me, it could go either way.
6 PM. That's what time I wanted to put the kids to bed this evening. I was feeling off my game all day. I lost my toddler's little backpack at some point in our travels. Still not sure where I left it. The kids begged to go to Friendly's. So we went and all three of them barely nibbled at their food. My reaction? I managed to feel more annoyed than the situation called for. I was convinced that it was a plot devised by my little master minds who really just wanted ice cream for lunch. Nevermind the fact that I only ate half my sandwich and barely touched my fries. I felt justified in my nibbling because I didn't want to eat there in the first place. Needless to say, I said no to the ice cream.
I've been wanting to write an essay about vanity but I'm not sure what I want to say yet. I know that I want to talk about what it takes to feel pretty. What does it cost in time and money and energy? There are times when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or see a picture of myself and I feel ugly. Likewise, when I stop avoiding my less desirable behaviors long enough to sit with them and stare them down - I feel...ugly. Don't worry. I know these things don't define me. But I do want to feel pretty - physically and emotionally - and for me that pretty feeling comes from making peace with things. So I need to explore it further and eventually write about it.
I may not visibly struggle with my weight, but I definitely struggle with exercise. I don't make time for it. I can get into it for awhile, and then I fall off again. Sometimes this makes me feel ugly. Like I was talking about earlier.
What kind of things make you feel less than the beautiful creature that you are? How do you make peace with those things, so they don't put a damper on your self-love party?
I love your honesty! I make peace by deciding that they really don't matter. My whole life, or most of my life has been spent feeling horrible about parts of myself that I focused on too intently. Now, I like to take an "overall" approach to myself. I change and work to improve on what I can and learn to love what I can't. This is a learning process for me, so I am, by no means, "there" yet (this assumes that there is a "there" to get to). But, I'm working on it. :)
ReplyDeleteRight now, it's just the extra baby weight that I gained during my pregnancy. I know I'll lose it again, and it will just take time, but it still gets me down sometimes. How do I get out of it though? I find my favorite outfit, put it on, and remind myself that I didn't gain this weight over night, I can't lose it over night either.
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