I had an inspirational Monday post almost ready for you, but I was out of town visiting family this weekend and didn't get a chance to finalize it, so that will be coming your way tomorrow.
In the meantime, I just wanted to share a picture of my dad and my youngest daughter from this weekend. Back in November, he had a stroke. Gave us all a huge scare. I'm happy to say that we just celebrated his 79th birthday with him this weekend and he's doing much better.
Being home with family always brings me back to my core and puts me in this very reflective mood -- thinking about where I come from, where I've been and where I'm going. I've always been very dependent on my dad and now more than ever, I want him to know that I'm going to be okay and that he doesn't have to worry about me. I want him to see me thriving and not doing the same knucklehead things that I've done in the past to sabotage myself.
But underlying these thoughts, there's this little girl inside of me stomping her feet and resisting all of this. I don't want him to get older. I worry about him being lonely and having feelings that he's unable to explain. He's able to talk, but he doesn't express himself like he used to - so we have to guess how he's really feeling. I'm still processing the new dynamics of our relationship and trying to be as grown up as I can about everything. I never imagined that I'd still feel so much like a child at 35 years old.
Nonetheless, this weekend was loving and refreshing and happy and I did my best to stay in that moment and not overthink it. Now that I'm a parent, I understand him in a new way. I understand the sacrifices he's made, his imperfections, his struggles and his intentions. I'm sure that there's a little boy inside of him that can't believe he's 79 anymore than I can believe that I'm 35. Such is life.
Come visit me on Facebook this evening for some soul searching questions questions about life and love and living what you love. You don't have to have all the answers, but asking the questions is of the utmost importance. xo
Happy belated birthday to your father, I'm so happy to hear that he has his health and that you were able to spend quality time with him and your family over the weekend. Family is my root and whenever I'm home I feel a sense of rejuvenation just from being surrounded by them so I understand exactly what you mean. I think a part of us always feels that way. I think it has to do with us resisting change and I know it's hard to hear the words don't worry, but don't worry GG, everything will be fine. And I'm sure your father sees in you all that you wish for him to see even if he doesn't have the words to express them
ReplyDeleteThanks Indie :) I appreciate that comment more than I can say.
DeleteHappy Birthday to your daddy! Glad he's getting better. I know what you mean about not wanting him to get any older. The more my life changes and I realize I'm a full fledged adult, the more I can't help but want time to slow down. The older I get, the older my parents get. That's not easy for me to process. I'm enjoying them as much as I can. That's the promise I've made to myself. Such is life, indeed.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! It's so hard to process, right?! Time seems to go faster as you get older. And like you said, all the more reason to slow down and appreciate each moment so much. Like right now, we have no activities for the kids tonight so I can't wait to go home and just relax and veg out with them. I always look forward to an open schedule :)
DeleteThis post really just melted my heart. Dads are such a gift to daughters
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