Monday, October 6, 2014

Does Anyone Even See Me? The Struggle to Feel Important.



source

"Don't demand attention.  Inspire it."  -  Francheska Medina

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to feel more important.  Craving acknowledgment, gold stars and approval.  Not appreciating my own attention -- the smiles I give myself,  the salty sweet taste of my tears as I grow, the jokes that are only funny to me.  These precious gifts are occasionally overlooked and replaced with a longing to be seen by everyone else.

This longing sneaks up on me, telling me I need something to happen, a spotlight maybe, a big deal.  Something that proves I am special.  

Growing up, I never liked being the center of attention.  I wasn't comfortable with myself.  I didn't want to be too smart, too talented, too pretty, too together because those things came with expectations.  There was pressure in being seen and I didn't want it.  And yet...

I did want it.  Secretly.

I carried this blind wanting into adulthood.  I let men cheat on me because they told me I was the special one and the rest didn't matter.

I pretended I could afford things that I really couldn't so I could look successful and be admired.

I let people in my life that were toxic because they made me feel like their only source of light.  I didn't have to blaze to be with them, I only needed to flicker to stand out in their company.

I know now that I just wanted to be seen.  I looked outside for validation. I didn't know how to pay attention to myself, meet my own needs, feel beautiful from the inside.  I needed proof that I was real.   I didn't know how to express myself authentically, so I found other ways to feel relevant.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not that girl anymore. Because now, I see me, I know how to love myself and share who I am with the world on my own terms.  And that is all the importance I need.

Has anyone else dealt with this or am I the only one?

Take this with you: When you feel small, maybe even invisible, it's not a sign that you don't matter. It is a reminder to pay attention to yourself and be yourself, no matter who you happen to be that day. It has nothing to do with what you think you need from other people.










8 comments:

  1. When I tell you that this came at the right time, I am telling you no lie. I don't always seek validation from what's outside of me, but every so often, it does sneak up on me and I do yearn for acknowledgement for the work I put toward my work, forgetting that I'm what's most important. I had a momentarily lapse of that feeling last Friday, so like I said, your words are just in time

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! That's exactly how it happens. It really sneaks up. I find that for me it's often a comparison thing, usually it's triggered by something I see or hear. I have to snap myself out of it, you know? I'm glad this reminder was on time for you too :)

      Delete
  2. As always GG I can totally relate! I hate being the centre of attention and I believe that is why I struggle so much in my business. I hate to differentiate myself from others as I believe we all have something to offer and I am not that special. At the same time I recognise that I have my own gifts and talents and that I need to own and embrace them and acknowledge the difference I do make. I am often confronted as I want my work to inspire many - therefore I need to be noticed - but at the same time as I get more attention I find myself backing away and shutting down because of the expectation and responsibility that comes with "success" and standing out from the crowd. It's a battle I fight almost daily.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally understand and it's a duality that we just have to practice. I find that the more I focus on the message I want to share and not myself so much, it becomes easier. But there are always those days where I'm not centered and I lean too far towards wanting to hide or too far towards feeling ignored. there is no perfect balance, all we can do is remember what it's all for and let our egos get out of the way :)

      Delete
  3. "Because now, I see me, I know how to love myself and share who I am with the world on my own terms. And that is all the importance I need."

    I came to this realization recently and it has changed my interaction with the people I do life with, knowing that I live life on my own terms, celebrating my individuality.

    Thank you for this post. xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really does change how you interact one on one, and for me, in crowds as well. Less overwhelmed from trying to appear a certain way, be seen, be heard. Just content in your experience. It's the best feeling.

      Delete
  4. I can totally relate to this.
    Thank you GG

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow. You expressed this perfectly. I can most definitely relate. I'm a shy person. I can describe situations, but I'm not good at fully expressing my thoughts verbally. This is spot on.

    ReplyDelete