are you apologizing too much?

What does it really mean to live unapologetically?

I've never been one to be unapologetic.  I wrote this question at the top of the page in my journal and started writing every answer that came to mind, because I've grown tired of hearing myself say I'm sorry.   I'm sorry for being in the way.  I'm sorry that I'm different from you.   I'm sorry that I have an opinion.  I'm sorry that I'm sorry.  I believe this habit came from many years of feeling like everyone knew something that I didn't.   

The energy of these words, when repeated again and again, especially in situations where there is nothing to be sorry for, blocks our efforts to become the most aligned, powerful versions of ourselves.  

In addition to feelings of inadequacy, I apologize a lot because I'm an empathic person and I feel responsible for everyone's feelings.  That means I'm highly sensitive to the energy around me and I absorb other people's emotions.  If you're like this too then you know it can be incredibly draining.  I grew up in a tense environment so I often aligned my behavior with whatever I needed to do to ease the tension.  Usually this meant silencing myself, denying my true feelings, and altering my personality to keep the peace.  Daily, my mother accused me of outlandish things and I just apologized because it was easier than trying to convince her that I didn't do them.   

I used sorry as an energy fixer to diffuse tension. But in doing so, I created tension in myself.  

I've also struggled with wanting to be supportive and loving without being a sponge, soaking up the energy of others and allowing their feelings to become my own.  I still feel guilty when I have to say no, so again, I'm apologizing.  I'm sorry I can't take that on.  I'm sorry that's too much for me.  I'm sorry because I'm worried that you'll think I don't care.  

But I don't have to prove my kindness by making myself responsible for other people's emotions.   If I really want to grow and experience new levels of creativity and manifestation, I can't continue to undermine myself this way.

To recommit and focus my energy on changing this habit, I clarified my intentions by writing a statement of affirmation:

I am consciously unapologetic which means I'm not influenced by people's opinions about who I am and the life I live.  I have boundaries, I know how important it is to protect them, and I respect other people's boundaries without personalizing them.  I know my worth, I use my voice with clarity and compassion, and it's my responsibility to align my actions with my truth.    I know that when I'm rooted this way, I increase my capacity to create without inhibition, build sincere connections and and choose commitments wisely.  

Now back to my initial question, what does it mean to you to live unapologetically?   

You can make this a little writing project.
Make a list of what it means and what it doesn't mean to you. 
Step away and come back. 
Make a list of the benefits and challenges as you see them.   
Step away and come back. 
Write a rough statement of affirmation.
Step away and come back.
Review and revise.
Post it up on your wall.
Practice it.
Live by it.

+ For more insights and writing exercises to help you increase your self-awareness and be more intentional with your energy, order a copy of my self-discovery workbook, Writing the Layers or download the PDF here.   

+ The Words That Move writing workshop is now available as a self-study course.   Find out more about the self-study version and the bonus community that comes with it.

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