trusting your intuition
I hosted my first workshop for teen girls this past weekend and it was the most challenging one I've ever done! It was part of a Delta Sigma Theta Gems event for 14 - 18 year old girls. They stared me down and it was hard to get them to open up, but I think they all got something out of it. When coaxed, the work they shared was wise and insightful beyond their years. I was relieved when it was over, but thankful for the experience. I know I have homework to do so I can better connect with this audience.
I have a lot to learn, all around. Life is such a mystery to me and the more I learn, the more curious I become. There is an element of surrender that you must allow to set judgment aside and let curiosity open you. As soon as we think we have it all figured out, we become fixated and tunnel-visioned and how can we grow from there? How can we possibly ever think that we're done learning and being a beginner? When we avoid the discomfort of new experiences, we are avoiding growth and curiosity and everything that renews our hope in life.
I'm embracing my curiosity in a new way these days as I've been focused on learning to trust my intuition — again. Can you honestly say that you trust yours?
+ Do you find it hard to make decisions?
+ Do you compartmentalize feelings of regret and shame over past decisions?
+ Do you worry that you aren't strong enough to handle what you truly desire?
+ Do you avoid new opportunities because you're afraid you'll mess them up?
+ Do you find it hard to distinguish between your intuition and your fear?
Since I've been on this writing journey, my ability to trust my intuition — the guidance of the Holy Spirit (insert whatever you believe your Source is) — has taken a hit. Because I was taking risks and pushing through fears with the belief that nothing would go wrong if I trusted my curiosity and stayed the course. I felt like I was being obedient to the gifts and passions God had placed in me so everything should just work out. And when things didn't always work out, I found it harder and harder to trust myself. I didn't stop trusting God, but I stopped trusting my ability to receive divine guidance. I thought, It's not God, it's me. I'm broken. I'm so blessed and still I mess everything up.
While I was trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, I stopped trusting that inner guidance and I separated from it, trying to control every outcome myself. For a long time this caused me so much anxiety that all I could think about was what had gone wrong in the past, what was wrong right now and what could go wrong in the future.
When I'm listening to my ego, what I hear is fear, limitation, lack and absolutes. It tells me that life is out to get me and if I mess up or if I succeed, it's all on me and either way it all ends in loss. But when I'm listening to my Spirit, I know that I am divinely guided and that I can trust my decisions when they're aligned with Love. No matter the outcome, I believe that I need the experience of that decision and I will learn and grow and thrive from it.
So although I was nervous about speaking to these girls and I felt some resistance, I immediately knew it was something I felt called to do. Despite all the uncertainty and newness I felt, I focused on what I wanted to pour into them, not how they responded to it. All over my life, I'm discovering a new freedom in saying yes or no based on what my gut, my intuition, my curiosity and my boundaries are telling me without needing to agonize over it.
The exercises in my self-discovery workbook, Writing the Layers, will help you reaffirm your beliefs and observe yourself honestly to see if your actions are aligned with your faith or your fears. If this is something you're working on, I encourage you to check it out.
In the video below, I share how I am learning to trust my inner voice again after struggling with doubt. The video cuts off at the end, but I got the important stuff in. :-)