do my mistakes make me unworthy
In the past, I looked at everything that didn't go my way as failure. I looked at each failure as a tiny death, my belief in myself fading more and more with each disappointment. If I didn't get what I wanted fast enough, I would take shortcuts or I'd give up + feel sorry for myself or I'd suppress it all and pretend not to notice or care. I didn't recognize the necessity of failure in the growth process.
Mindshift #1: Your worth is not decreased by how much you've failed or the number of mistakes you've made.
The process of redefining failure and believing in myself has been slow and intense but it's happening. I'm not talking about something I've been through and now I'm over to the other side. I'm talking about something I'm actively working on right now. If you can relate then you know how it feels to be in your own way, believing in all these inspiring ideas but still allowing your thoughts and actions to reflect disbelief.
For example, let's say you love the way it feels to support people's emotional well-being. This is how you show up. This is your superpower. People come to you with their stories and worries. You go through life with an empathetic radar, offering whatever you have available to you to help people in need of kindness whether that's an inspiring word, a shoulder to cry on, or a hot, healthy meal. Out of all the ways you can apply your energy in the world, this is your favorite thing to do. It makes you feel confident, creative and connected to your authentic power. It's one of the things that you hope people will remember about you when you're physically gone.
You love to show up this way in the world because it feels good to your soul and it makes you feel useful. But let's say — you don't value it.
Maybe you're even ashamed of it because somewhere along the way, someone told you that your gift is not important and you should show up differently. You might be looking at other areas of your life and beating yourself up for not being more successful at other things. Maybe you see other people who appear to have the same gift and what they do with it seems bigger, better and more valuable than what you do. You might have a limited view of the lifestyles and sources of abundance that are available to you when you fully trust who you are and what brings you joy.
In spite of our doubts, we may keep doing that thing we do, but we do it with a sense of apology or secrecy, because we have this block that tells us we're not enough and the thing we love to do is not important.
Mindshift #2: Anything you are inspired to do that comes from your heart is spiritual currency and it's valuable beyond measure.
We all know the Marianne Williamson quote about playing small and how it serves no one. Many of us believe that we're not enough because we are looking for outside validation. We want to avoid any and all criticism, and sometimes we care more about the appearance than the message. For example, I turned down a popular publication who wanted to come into my home and do a feature on me and the space where I live and work. This was an awesome opportunity to share my message with a big, diverse audience. But I said no, because I felt self-conscious about my home not being good enough.
That's not the only time I played small, not because I didn't have a sense of purpose, but because I was still not completely aligned with it. If we don't believe in ourselves and the value of the energy we bring, when opportunities come where we could share our gifts, we're likely to make excuses and push them away.
Many of us are waiting until a time in the future when we'll feel worthy. Does this sound like you? You see the worth in the woman you are becoming, the one you're working toward, the aspirational you. But you don't see the same value in the current woman that you are, the one with unresolved issues, the figuring-it-out you.
The truth is, you will never be more worthy than you are right now. The aspirational you is already who you are. Every version of you at every stage of your life has the power to create and to choose. You will always be figuring it out as you go and you will always be worth it. Release any thought lingering in your mind that says your struggles make you unworthy.
So if you know that no matter where you go and what you do, you are at your best when you are (insert feel-good-thing here), then let that be your source. When you are looking for a hobby, career or side hustle, let that be where you start experimenting. When you are discouraged by a setback or rejection, let this be the practice that builds you back up.
Mindshift #3: Show yourself your value.
Let's talk self-care because these days everyone speaks that language. Knowing your worth is self-care. Taking up space and using your voice are acts of self-care. For all my writers, journalers and non-writers too, here's a self-care writing exercise to strengthen your self-worth muscles:
+ Start keeping a self-worth journal or log. Once a day, write down what you appreciate about yourself: mind, body and soul. Write how you showed up for yourself or someone else that day. How you put positive energy out into the world and how valuable that is. Write down moments when you felt truly, truly useful and connected to something bigger. Acknowledge yourself in the ways that no one else can.
My past mistakes and perceptions of failure have wreaked havoc on my self-worth. For so long I've told myself a story that I always ruin anything good that comes my way. I'm releasing that old story. What about you? Leave a comment and tell me what ideas you need to release to step fully into your worth.
For this summer only, I'm offering one on one creative consultations for women who are figuring out how to own and tell their stories. Click here to find out more.