DAY SEVEN
fill your own cup
How do you practice self-care in your relationships? Make a note of the first thing that comes to mind. What jumps out for me is showing up as my whole self and not altering myself to people-please or fit in. Your first thought might be spending quality time with loved ones or eliminating toxic relationships. All of these examples are about nurturing healthy relationships that are honest, caring and supportive which is what social self-care is all about.
Our social lives can say a lot about our emotional wellness, too. If you are struggling daily with negative emotions like jealousy, judgment, guilt and shame, that energy is having an impact on your relationships. In the book there are exercises to help you examine these dynamics through the lens of self-care.
In my life, the biggest threat to my relationships has been my own identity issues. Listening to my insecurities, I told myself a story that people like a certain version of me and if I deviate from that and show my full, messy self, I will cause disappointment and rejection.
Caring about what people think causes us to restrict our personalities and not live full out. The absence of healthy boundaries hurts us as well. These things keep us from our full capacity to love and serve and connect.
What story has been playing out through your social life and relationships? What patterns and themes do you see?
the roles you play
We must remember to stay aligned with our inner selves and not get lost in the roles we play and the expectations that people have. That’s where it’s easy to lose ourselves.
As women, we take our roles seriously and we want to excel at everything we do. Many of us saw our mothers and caregivers work, sweat, and sacrifice for others and put themselves last. We may have seen them go through all kinds of changes to keep up appearances for their friends and family and then fall apart behind closed doors.
We have to reconsider the habits we’ve picked up along the way and keep what serves us and let the rest go. A self-care mindset helps us stay centered in who we are and remember where our strength comes from, so we don’t get caught up in expectations that wear us down.
In The Art of Extreme Self-Care, Cheryl Richardson says, “If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.”
In Self-Care Check-in you will examine your social roles and responsibilities to confirm their meaning and value to you. You will practice being honest with your words as well as your actions about the way you want to live your life. Further, you will discover ways to catch yourself when you are pretending to be something you are not or chasing a standard that’s not yours. Awareness is the first step, then taking action creates the momentum of change.
I look forward to reading your reflections in the comments below!
reflection questions
Does your social life uplift you or drain you?
How do you nurture your relationships with friends, family and community?
How do you make time for yourself in the midst of all the roles you play?
To what extent do you sacrifice your needs to fulfill your many roles?